Calling a Deer a Horse

Legend has it that during the Qin Dynasty, Zhao Gao wanted to usurp the throne. To test which ministers would go along with him, he presented a deer to the Second Emperor of Qin and called it a horse. When the Emperor didn’t believe him, Zhao Gao asked the ministers. Those who dared not defy Zhao Gao said it was a horse. Those who dared to oppose him said it was a deer. Zhao Gao later had all the “deer-sayers” killed.

Thousands of years later, there’s another interpretation: this was the first recorded大规模 slaughter of the physically disabled in Chinese history. Zhao Gao killed all the color-blind and color-weak ministers in one go. History professors, feel free to apply for national research funding. Look at the picture above: do you see a deer or a horse? If you see a deer, congratulations — you’d be on Zhao Gao’s hit list.

Unfortunately, I also see a deer.

Since birth, I always thought I was normal. I can distinguish red from green in traffic lights and the seven colors of the rainbow. Didn’t feel different from others. Until high school physical exam, when I learned my color vision was off.

My high school had many students, and the physical exam was spread over several days. One evening, a friend told me: during their class’s exam, the doctor showed a color blindness test chart. Someone clearly saw a rooster but insisted it was a goat. Extremely confident. Everyone laughed hysterically. Next day, our class’s exam. The doctor showed me the color blindness chart and asked what I saw. “A rooster!” I blurted out. Then I remembered last night’s story. Felt something was wrong. Quickly corrected: “I see a goat.” Even though I clearly saw a proud, strutting rooster. I barely passed that time.

Later I noticed I really struggle distinguishing light yellow from light green, especially in poor light. They look like the same color. In college, Bubble Bobble was popular, supposedly essential for picking up girls. I never picked up a girl in four years of college. Reason: playing Bubble Bobble, I couldn’t tell yellow from green bubbles, always matching them together. Then with Zuma (frog spits marbles), same tragedy. Luckily Zuma has a color-blind mode, replacing colors with shapes like squares, triangles, circles.

This morning I went to Minhang to renew my driver’s license. Another tragedy. I wanted to write a satirical article about the old lady examiner. But thought better of it. Just two points:

1. The law says only red-green color blindness disqualifies you from a license. Why did you show me only yellow and green? Fine, I’m color blind, but you’re law-blind AND color-blind.

2. These days, HIV and hepatitis test results are kept confidential. Only the individual can open their results. Why do you get more excited than an athlete on steroids when you find a color-blind person, then get the whole room laughing? If you’re so good at creating drama, become an actress. Working here doing physical exams is a waste of your talent.